Why people fantasize about rough sex and the skills

Seeing rough sex in action can both shock and arouse you at the same time, but have you ever wondered why this is so?

Maybe it’s because there’s a fine line dividing forced sex and consent, or it could be that there’s something so primitive and thrilling in that particular play or scenario. However you want to call it, there’s evidence that says hard sex can reduce stress and produce more of those ‘happy hormones’ (we’re talking about oxytocin).

Let’s explore the psychology and thinking behind wild sex and why people from all walks of life love it. Furthermore, we’ll explore how you can practice rough sex and add toys in the bedroom designed for this kind of sexual fantasy.

What is Rough Sex?

The term ‘rough sex’ encompasses different kinds of bedroom escapades, from BDSM to hard kissing and the like. In simple words, rough sex can be defined as a sexual activity that includes vigorous movement and aggressive behavior.

Some people might be familiar with rough sex going by other names, such as hardcore sex, violent sex, hard sex, passionate sex, and kinky sex. All of them translate to the same thing, which is ultimately having a great time with your partner.

Keep in mind that rough sex is only safe if it’s consensual, or when all parties agree to the action. Otherwise, it’s considered an assault, which has many serious consequences.

Psychology Behind Rough Sex

If you’re disturbed by the thought of having rough sex, don’t be. It’s 100% normal and a common occurrence in people from all over the globe.

Rough sex is perfectly normal and a sign of a healthy sexual being. Although people don’t normally include it in their daily conversations (who would?), more than half have fantasized about it or even did it with someone else. The good news is that anyone can initiate it, and it’s possible that your friends or co-workers have BDSM-related thoughts and experiences about it.

Think about the first time you had real sex. It’s more than likely that your hormones were raging, and you were so into it that you put in more physical effort and foreplay than what you’d do today. It’s a natural by-product of the passion of youth, but rough sex isn’t limited by that. You could say that it’s propelled by one’s sex drive and vitality, just to name a few.

One of our primal desires is to produce offsprings that can succeed us, which can explain the reason why we love the thought of having rough sex every now and then. It could also be the result of not having sex for so long, or the level of your sex drive at the time of intercourse. The meaning and purpose behind the act can differ between sexes too.

Why Women Love Rough Sex

Submissive sex, or masochistic sex isn’t really about women getting treated like crap. Deep down, the sexual desire that comes with rough sex acts, such as being held down or pushed up against the wall is ultimately the highest power a woman can get over a man.

These acts empower women and their desirability. In short, you’re so sexy that your partner can’t help but ravish you or control himself during sex. On the other hand, women sometimes want to break the impression that they’re polite and perfect, and the bedroom serves as a great escape.

In the intimate act of sex, women regain control of their selves and their partners. It may sound counter-intuitive, but then think about this- you can ‘escape’ the norms and be your absolute honest self when it comes to bedroom antics and sexual encounters.

Why Men Love Rough Sex

For men, the reasoning behind the love for rough sex is a bit simpler. The act itself, or even thinking about it can turn them on, and having vigorous sex is considered the norm in every society.

Men like rough sex because it’s very primal in nature. The feeling or experience that you get is nothing short of amazing, and your body starts to respond by having more blood coursing through your veins. Your dopamine levels rise, and you start to feel ‘more into it’.

Psychologically speaking, men engage in wild sex because they’re attuned to the idea of being in control. You get a chance to show your dominant self, sexual-wise, as well as experience the element of surprise. Having kinky sex is refreshing for both sexes as it breaks the mold of the everyday grind- it’s like channeling your stress and frustrations in a positive energy, and something that you and your partner will like.

The Art or Skills of Rough Sex

You may not know it, but you already have the DNA to engage in rough play. Basically, if you’re more vigorous in your actions and a bit more forceful than normal, then that’s already considered hard sex.

If you’re looking for more ways to play out your fantasies, then here are a few more.

Hair Pulling

Grabbing a handful of hair and pulling it up or down is a common act in rough sex. Along those lines, you can also experiment with choking or slapping your partner’s face as a sort of refresher to break the monotony.

My tip is that you shouldn’t be too gentle as to be called a sissy, but it shouldn’t be too hard that it draws blood or endangers your partner. He or she may sometimes give you hints, ‘harder’ or ‘more’ means you should increase the intensity.

Forcing Down or Into a Wall

Another common rough sex play for the experienced, this involves driving your partner up a wall or down into the bed. Here, the thrusts will be harder as there’s very little cushion and equals better penetration and/or a higher orgasm for both of you.

Women can force their partners down as they ride their cocks, while men can push their partners down as they perform doggy style. In the shower or bathroom, you can drive your partner up a glass door or tile wall and perform the deed.

Dirty Talking

A must-have in every rough play, dirty talking enhances the experience and allows you and your partner to explore your fantasies even further. It can be vanilla, such as saying ‘I want you to fuck me hard’, or ‘you’re a tight little slut’, or it can depend on the context or the roleplay that you’re doing.

Dirty talking complements kinky sex and heightens the orgasm that comes with it. However, it can take some time if you’ve never done it before and if you’re not familiar with how it works. I’d recommend starting out with simple words and phrases then experimenting from there.


Rough sex is the domain of BDSM, and vice versa. Bondage, domination, submission, and masochism will usually involve cuffs, games and leaving you or your partner to your or their whims.

Keep in mind however, that you can engage in rough sex without having any BDSM elements. Those who are looking to spice things up can invest in items that simulate a real BDSM experience.

Hard Kissing and Grabbing

Perhaps the simplest form of rough sex is grabbing as much genitalia as you or your partner want, and really shoving that mouth or tongue in theirs. The idea here is to be ‘hungry’ or feeling that you’re sex-starved for months.

Hard kissing is fairly easy to do, and you’d normally grab your partner’s breasts, buttocks or balls anyway. However, if you’re going to do it then I’d recommend you proceed with force and a level of enthusiasm than normal. You’ll be rewarded with gasps and moans, which means you have the green light to proceed to penetration or other sex plays.

Toys Recommended for Rough Sex

Any kind of sex is infinitely better with sex toys around, and rough sex is no different. You’ll want to take a look at these products to really heighten the experience.

The Slave

An all-in-one submissive package made from chains and quality faux leather. It’s what a ‘slave’ would wear in front of a dominant ‘master’.

The Slave is beginner-friendly, and you’ll feel comfortable wearing it and taking it off after practicing for several minutes. The collar, strap and wrist cuffs are all adjustable, which means it can fit both sexes and different heights and sizes.

The bondage set is perfect for rough play and completes the setup in one go. You’ll also love how durable it is even after you’ve played out the scene many times.

The Prisoner

If you want something that’s a bit tamer, then I’d recommend The Prisoner.

It’s a modified version of a police cuffs, except that the sex toy is more comfortable to wear for longer periods of time. There’s also no risk of losing the key and ruining a night of fun when you’re supposed to be exploring each other’s kinks.

The hallmark of a great BDSM gear is comfort and adjustability, something that Prisoner has in spades. The wrist cuffs and thumb cuffs have buckle mechanisms, and the strap between the wrist and fingers is detachable. Faux leather reduces the risk of chafing and bruises, and it’s safe for all skin types.

The Domme Leather Flogger

A superb leather flogger for those who have a wild side, the Domme Leather Flogger is just the right size. It’s not too small that the rough sex effect is negligible, nor too large that it sticks out conspicuously when you’re out and about.

The handle offers a good grip and is comfortable even during extended play sessions, and there’s a strap for displaying or hanging it in your room. Suede strips have the right balance in terms of asserting control and gets your partner to pay attention to what you want to do.

Rough Sex Safety – What Should You Do and Not Do?

Tip #1. Do Not Bruise or Draw Blood. The aim is to generate enough force to make you and your partner’s heart race and make things more exciting.

Tip #2. Talk About It Before Doing It. Rough sex should always be consensual, meaning both of you should agree to it beforehand.

Tip #3. Have a Safe Word. It’s easy to get lost in the act of wild sex. However, you should agree on a ‘safe‘ word you both can use to serve as a warning to stop.

Tip #4. Get Into Character. Add a few sex toys, watch a video or read up on ways how you can complement rough sex. Your partner will be thrilled if you’re well-prepared.

Rough Sex FAQs

What does ‘rough sex’ actually mean?

Rough sex is a sexual act where you’re more aggressive or vigorous towards your partner. It’s the opposite of gentle love-making, where the objective is to go slow.

What is the difference between rough sex and kinky sex?

Rough sex is a general umbrella where couples go at it with gusto, while kinky sex is more like playing out fetishes and roleplaying BDSM scenarios.

Do men enjoy rough sex?

Yes, it’s actually a popular way with men and women alike. Although there are different reasons and thinking behind it for both sexes.

Do women enjoy rough sex?

As much as men do. Women love to let go of control from time to time while feeling very desirable by the opposite sex, and rough sex is a great way to accomplish this.

Any tips on giving hard sex?

Do things with a clear purpose, and don’t second guess your actions. Aim to please rather than to hurt. Also, stop immediately when your partner tells you to.

Act Out Your Rough Sex Fantasies Today

Rough sex can definitely spice things up in the bedroom and when things start to get boring. When it comes to trying something new, wild and kinky sex can serve as eye-openers to other wonderful sexual antics you can play out with your partner. Don’t be afraid to discuss it with them if you have the time.