Are you curious to start playing around with fun new experiences and intoxicating new sensations in the world of BDSM? But are you not quite sure how to approach the sometimes overwhelming selection of tools, toys, and gadgets? Fear not! In this post, I will provide you with the ultimate guide for this journey, telling you how to actually use BDSM toys!

Since you’re here, you’re probably already aware of what BDSM is and why some people really enjoy engaging in it. If you want know a bit more, read our blog about basic BDSM for beginners. 

In this blog post, however, we will be focusing on BDSM toys and how to use them. 

BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. 

The term more commonly refers to any type of sexual act that might be considered especially “kinky”, “rough”, or “hardcore”. BDSM activities often involves some type of sexual power play, expanding the possibilities you have to either dominate or submit to (or both!) to a special someone.

BDSM toys are any kind of tool, accessory, equipment, or toy used to play around with BDSM activities and hopefully enhance the experience! Here’s our pick of the best BDSM toys to get started on your kinky journey!

Don’t Be Intimidated…

Some people may initially be cautious when learning about these toys. Although, I assure you, BDSM play can also be super gentle, slow, and soft.

Actually, it can be whatever you want it to be. You’re the boss. Start slow, play around, do what makes you feel good, and be willing to explore what that means to you while learning about these toys and how to use them.

Before you begin using one of these toys, I would recommend getting to know it outside of the bedroom first. Touch it, examine it, test it, and explore its features – the texture, the weight, the sensation. This way, you will be much more familiar with the product before you introduce it to a sexually charged situation where one might be a bit distracted from examining a toy’s safety features… 

The Best Place to Start Slow: Blindfolds

Blindfolds are an essential in the world of bondage and BDSM toys. For both experienced and beginner levels, a blindfold is a delicious way to introduce new sensations to your sex life.

Simply cover your lovers eyes with a blindfold (consensually, of course!) and enjoy having more control over their sexual experience.

Depriving them of their sight during arousing activities may very well enhance all other senses and make the slightest touch send bolts of electricity through their body. 

You can use things around the house, like a tie or a silk scarf. Blindfolds like this Bondage Boutique Soft Blindfold is also gives you comfortable padding!

How to Use Bondage & Restraint Toys

There are almost endless gadgets and accessories designed to help sexually restrain someone in the most delicious ways. So, let me put these in different categories – restraints for your hands and feet, for your head and face, and for your full body. 

Tying up Your Hands and Feet!

Although these gadgets easily can be used to restrain your whole body, they’re also great to start out with!

Bondage rope, like this Doc Johnson Japanese-Style Rope, is available in many different colors and lengths. Its soft texture and strong but flexible structure is perfect for keeping something comfortably in place. Use it to secure your partner’s hands behind their back or in front of them, or to tie their hands and feet to the corners of the bed. Use the rope to control their mobility while you have your way with them (again, consensually!). 

As simple as rope play can be, there are also many ways to explore rope tying as a full body restraint or as beautiful decorative body harnesses.

Leather cuffs are also suitable for this level of bondage play. Often made of more hefty material, they are easy to use and comfortably padded. Simply fasten the cuff to the wrists or ankles (or maybe both). Attach them to each other or to other sturdy (and suitable) objects available to you. I’ll tell you more about how to use cuffs for full-body restraints later on.

If bulky leather cuffs are not for you, these silicone Quickie Cuffs are a strong, comfortable, and practical alternative!

Just slip your hands through the flexible material and enjoy the soft restraint.

Check out our review of the Quickie Cuffs!

Cuffs are great for all levels of expertise. For a more thorough guide of which type of cuff is best for your level of comfort, take a look at our 8 best types of cuffs from beginner to advanced.

Bondage tape is also a great option for beginner bondage or for creating decorative body designs.

This bondage tape from Lovehoney does not stick to the skin but only to itself!

Use the tape in similar ways as the cuffs and the rope. Be sure not to fasten it too tightly around any body parts!

Restricting Your Face and Head…

Collars are a great way to have a more intense experience with control! They can be used with a leash to carefully move someone around by the neck. They can be fastened to cuffs or other gadgets by chains or ropes. And they’re not bad to look at either…

Secure the collar around you or your partner’s neck and have with it. Make sure it’s not too tight!

Gags are also a more intense restraint toy. The harness is placed on your face and secured so it’s comfortable.

The ball, ring, or other accessory in the middle of the gag is simultaneously placed inside your mouth (behind your teeth) restricting your ability to use your mouth.

This beginner ball gag training kit from Lovehoney is great to ease into using a ball gag. There are breathable holes and different sizes so you can work your way up!

How to Use Full-body Restraints

Combine the cuffs with a full-body restraint systems like this Under the Bed Restraint System.

Fasten the adjustable straps under your mattress and use the velcro mechanism to restrain your partner to the corners of the bed by their wrists and ankles.

Check out our review of this restraint system!

A simple hogtie is also an easy way to create a full-body experience with your cuffs.

Although there are not many variations of how to use a hogtie, sometimes simple is good!

Get down on your stomach with your cuffs on. Attach your wrist cuffs behind your back to the top two loops of the hogtie. Bend your legs to attach your ankle cuffs to the two bottom loops of the hogtie.

Enjoy feeling restrained by your own body or playing with your partner while spread out in this position.

Spreader bars are also meant to be used with your cuffs. Either just with your wrists, your ankles, or both at the same time.

You attach the ankle cuffs to the ends of your bar. As they are often adjustable, you can spread your partner’s legs apart as wide as you want and keep them there. You can also attach the wrist cuffs to the middle of the bar, making your partner bend at the hip and expose themselves. 

If you would like to keep exploring toys like this, we’ve gathering our suggestions for the best sexual restraint toys out there!

How to Use BDSM Toys for Sensation Play

This category of BDSM toys appeals to your sense of touch and encourage you to explore which sensations improve your sexual experience. They tease you, tickle you, and surprise you!

Nipple clamps are a great way to explore the sensation of pressure or pinching on your nipples. Nipple clamps can have very different designs but they essentially all have the same purpose: putting pressure on your nipples!

Loosen the clamp and place it on the nipple, once placed correctly, tighten the clamp to your liking. Start slow. You can always tighten it more. You leave the clamps on however long you feel comfortable wearing them. They can also be lightly tugged at or attached to your cuffs, ball gag, or body harness.

Ticklers are pretty much what they say they are: ticklers! Drag one of these bad boys lightly across your partner’s skin anywhere on their body (perhaps while they are blindfolded or tied up).

Explore their erogenous areas with the tickler, tease them with the sensation, or edge them with the pleasure!

They come in various different shapes, sizes, and materials. This heavier metal tickler flogger can be used in the same way. The sensations will feel more intense with its weight, texture, and cool material. 

Check out our review of this tickler flogger!

The Wartenberg Wheel is also a classic tool for sensation play. Although it might look a bit scary, the feeling of it can be absolutely titillating! Lightly roll the wheel over your partner’s skin. Try it out on different areas of the body. Experiment with the pressure but be careful not to be too rough with this tool.

Toys designed for erotic electrostimulation (E-stim) are also great for sensation play. This Neon Wand Intensity Kit has a powerful electric wand that plugs in with a long cord. The two attachments are made of smooth conductive silicone, allowing you to combine impact play with sensation play.

Plug in the wand, choose an attachment, and let you or your partner feel the small enjoyable shocks on your skin. Again, explore which areas on the body you prefer this sensation on.

Playing with hot wax is also a sensation play staple! For beginners, I would use a soy wax candle that burns at a lower temperature than regular wax candles. The heat will then not be as intense or intimidating. 

Light the candle a little while before you plan on using it, so it has time to melt through some of the wax. Prepare your set-up. Perhaps you want to put a towel under your “work space”.

When you and your partner are ready, you can begin dripping the hot wax on your partner’s skin a few drops at a time. Be sure to check in with your partner and make sure the temperature is tolerable.

How to Use Impact Toys

When it comes to impact BDSM toys we often distinguish between toys that have a stingy or thuddy impact. This is important to know when you set out to use one for the first time.  

So many different kinds of impact toys designed to have an endless combination of impacts on the skin. Here are the classics!

Floggers are known for their soft “falls” (or tails). The sizes, length, and materials of which can determine how thuddy or stingy the flogger feels. Read more about what floggers are here!

Start slow and tease your partner by dragging it across their skin. With a flick of the wrist, lighty stroke your partner with the flogger. Try it out on some meaty areas first – like the butt. Remember to check in with each other as you go!

Whips or crops are used similarly to floggers. Although they will often have a stingy sensation upon impact. Again, try teasing your partner by tracing the whip along their skin and get familiar with the texture, weight, and grip of the whip. Start with slow and light strokes and work your way up in intensity if you’re both comfortable!After knowing how to use a flogger and a whip, it’s not so difficult to imagine how to use a paddle. The only difference is in structure and material. Instead of stroking someone with loose “falls” on a handle, the paddle is firm, flat, and wide. The perfect tool for great spanking sessions!

 

These impact toys are for any level of intensity. You and your partner control the pressure and power used for every stroke. If intense impact play sounds like something for you, check out our selection of the best impact toys for intense impact play!

Safety & Consent: How to Use BDSM Toys Properly

Last but definitely not least is the emphasis on embarking on your BDSM journey safely! There’s much more to it than just using the toys properly. In fact, how to use the toys properly has a lot to do with creating a safe setting!

Feeling safe and comfortable is key!

Creating a safe setting means:

• Trusting your sexual partner. If you don’t trust them to respect your desires or boundaries, you probably don’t want to be engaging in BDSM activities with them.
• Open communication! Talk about your desires and fantasies with your partner beforehand. Talk about the logistics of making them come true. Talk about your boundaries as well.
• Ensuring on-going consent! Check in with each other multiple times. Agree on a safeword. If you’re beginners, then start with low intensity and work your way up. Give each other time to react to the sensations and discover your pleasures and boundaries!
• Practical safety: just in case!

Safe settings are not only about communication and consent but also about practical safety! Using BDSM toys means working with tools and materials specifically designed to restrain your physical body.

If anything happens and you want to remove things in a hurry, I would recommend having a little BDSM safety kit. Have it nearby and available.

Here’s what I would put in it:

• Safety scissors for rope or tape.
• Extra keys for handcuffs (if that’s something you’re using!)
• Water! Always good to have a bottle of water available – and stay hydrated! 
• Small first-aid kit. This may never be necessary to use but you never know when you might need to have a few emergency tools handy in case something goes wrong. Better safe than sorry!
• Lube and condoms. Again, this might not be necessary for you but it can’t hurt to be extra prepared!